Each of us is born with a personality that’s uniquely tailored to what God wants us to do with our lives.

OptionsUnderstanding God’s calling and the associated personality gifts he’s given us is not difficult: We find joy and fulfillment in doing what we are gifted in, and we are gifted in what we are called to do. Furthermore, when we use our gifts and fulfill our calling according to God’s will, we feel his pleasure – in addition to our own.

There’s a problem, however, in seeking validation from using our gifts or pursing our calling instead of pleasing God. Instead of being content with God saying “well done, thou good and faithful servant,” we seek legitimacy in who we are, what we do, how others react or in the results of our actions. Such validation comes from and is about us, rather than God.

If you look at Romans 12, there are seven “gifts” that correspond to seven very different personality types. With each of those personality “giftings”, there are different abilities, motivations and validation issues.

  • One who has a “prophetic” personality gift will often be motivated, and have the ability and temperament, to establish truth and justice. They are very good at intuitively seeing problems and coming up with solutions, although management and administration typically are not their strengths. They often are the first see truth, the first to understand what to do with it, are the first to move forward in it – and have amazing faith.

    (The prophetic personality typically finds validation in seeing and proclaiming truth, and in the ability to come up with a creative fix for what’s wrong.)

  • A “teacher” personality is focused on gaining understanding and knowledge. Although they are good listeners, they are not always good communicators – especially before groups – because they can get bogged down in minutia. They are motivated to pursue detailed knowledge, facts and precident until they find perfect or comprehensive understanding of an issue or situation, and often have deep insight.

    (They typically find validation in the pursuit of knowledge or in eventually gaining fairly comprehensive understanding of an issue, situation or problem, and in others then hearing what they have to say.)

  • The “helper” or “server” has a personality that is motivated to take on and accomplish whatever specific tasks will bless an individual or advance the objectives of a team or organization. They tend to be detailed oriented, organized, task driven and very self-motivated.

    (Their validation often comes from a job well done or being needed.)

  • The “exhorter” personality is primarily motivated to encourage others and to foster close relationships with and between others. They are the most relational of all the gifts and are classic “people persons”. Exhorters are very good at intuitively “sensing” tension between people, creating social cohesion within a group, and being peacemakers.

    (They often find validation in being liked or in maintaining relationships, even in the face of abuse or untruth.)

  • A “giver” personality is motivated, and has unique abilities, to create, marshall and release resources needed to produce life in others. They are often very entrepreneurial, innovative and are great at creatively solving problems or meeting needs – both in business and in the Kingdom of God. Givers also tend to be discerning about where and how to provide resources for maximum benefit (whether money, their own abilities or the abilities of others, assets, creative solutions, networking and building teams, etc.).

    (A giver often finds validation in business success and having something to contribute – be it his life, finances, skills or whatever – and in others appreciating what he gives.)

  • The “ruler” personality is motivated, and has the strength of will when used properly, to establish order, control and organization. They don’t tend to be the creative spark in an organization, but typically are excellent administrators. They often excel at developing and overseeing the personnel, structures, policies and procedures needed to establish, maintain or build an organization.

    (A ruler often finds validation in having some combination of control, power, status or privilege – for good or for bad – or with imposing or maintaining order.)

  • One who’s primary gift is “mercy” typically is motivated and has the compassion needed to foster an environment of peace and hospitality, thus invoking and affirming God’s presence among us. They feel deep compassion for hurting people and want peace and stability above all else (see my blog, The Gift of Mercy).

    (Often, however, they find validation in the familiar and the status quo of past or current relationships with God and with a few, very close friends, rather than obeying God’s desire to use their gift of his “presence” to release additional gift in others which then advance his Kingdom. Again see my blog, The Gift of Mercy.)

Understanding these differences can be liberating. A common struggle for Christians is failing to understand that God didn’t create us to all be the same, or necessarily to be like some “godly” person whom we admire. We also struggle to understand and misinterpret differences in others – often thinking they are deficient or even flawed because they don’t share our own outlook and perspective on things.

Many times we don’t find purpose and freedom in our lives until we learn about our unique personality and its associated attributes, strengths and weaknesses – and that it’s OK to be different!

My personality giftings are fairly equally divided between the prophetic (that doesn’t make me a “prophet”; it just means that God has cursed – oops, I meant gifted! – me with the motivations and attributes needed to speak and fight for truth and justice) and the giver. (For those who study these things, that’s an interesting combination because usually the prophetic and the giver personalities don’t get along with each other – which I guess explains a lot about me!)

Here’s the subtle point, however: Each of our personality attributes are legitimate because they are part of who God made us to be, and God is able to accomplish lots of good things through us when we are willing to maturely use those gifts in his service. What is not legitimate, however, is finding our validation in our gifts or calling.

During much of my life, I took quiet pride in being basically a fairly secure guy. I never really needed or sought validation from others, or circumstances, or success, or wealth, or a myriad of other things that many others crave. I never had much problem with the sin of finding validation in being able to see what is true and just; finding validation in whether others agreed with any truth I might be speaking or any just cause I might be fighting (which sometimes comes across to those with other personality gifts as arrogance); finding validation in the resources I produced to create life in others; or finding validation in whether others even appreciated those resources.

Fortunately, those validation issues were resolved long ago in my life and I’ve come to value friends who tell me when I’m blowing it. As a result, I have no problem with being wrong or taking a chance on making a mistake, and I have learned to quickly deal with any issue (which is often!) that pops up in my own life and also to acknowledge and make amends for any offense I might cause others.

Even so, I discovered that I was finding validation – inappropriately so – in the fact that I possessed the courage to speak truth, fight for justice and make a difference. I was valuing and relishing my courage above all else, rather than finding validation in simply pleasing God by seeking to do things his way to achieve his purposes.

The issue, I’ve been learning, is not whether we are using the gifts God gives us, but whether we’ve lost sight of pleasing God? Are we using those those gifts according to his will and to serve him rather than feeding our own egos?

If we find validation in our gifts or calling – no matter how legitimate they otherwise might be – we are limiting our ability to be used by God. Finding self-validation in who we are, or what we do, or what we achieve, or how people react – even though we legitimately may be heeding God’s call – can become a disqualifying sin that prevents us from fully serving the God we love.

To be mature in our gifts and how we use them, our validation must come from being solely motivated to please God by doing his will as sons and daughters who only want to advance our Father’s interests.

As Jesus showed us in the Lord’s Prayer, the Kingdom of God comes as the Father’s “will [is] done on earth as it is in heaven.” That must be our motive. The fruit of participating in the Kingdom of God, as we do the Father’s will, is righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. That must be our validation, and it must come from God himself.

Having said all this, however, I’m not yet where I need to be in finding my validation in the Lord. But at least I’m now beginning to recognize the problem, and I’m starting to watch my motives and also watch where I find my validation much more carefully.

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